Maybe Someone's Listening...

Waking up at 3 in the morning in a cold sweat on a freezing morning because suddenly the thought of inadequacy, lack, and fear has grabbed hold of my mind really sucks. The idea that every moment is an opportunity to change my thinking while clutching a jagged rock that seems to be crumbling under the subconscious rhetoric filling my head that my faith isn’t enough. Yeah, it’s January.

Why is it, that around this same time every year, I look at the accomplishments of the 12 calendar months prior to this moment and question if what I have now is any better than what I had then? It’s always this point in time that I question if my needs and wants were fulfilled in 2012. And every time I look back at what was I can say is…Absolutely. If I’m expecting the same experience, without changing roller coasters, guess what? I’m going to go on the same ride each time. Sure I can sit in different seats, but the rails my car is riding on is still doing the same dead man’s drop, loop de loop and corkscrew.

So why is it that regret, fear, and self-judgment seem to overcome me at 3 in the morning? Could it be that when I lay myself down to sleep, and slumber in peace, that those unsound, ominous, beastly fears I’ve stuffed way down deep within the dark corners of my undisturbed mind claw their way into the forefront of my thoughts to test me on just how much of a handle I truly have on my life?

When those sleepless minutes hijack the hours of relaxation is there any way to push past the mirage of bullshit my mind decided to create without my permission?

Yeah, well, at least I’m not alone…There are millions of people who raise their heads from the month of December, take a deep breath, and just hope the fan doesn’t stop spinning because of all the shit that’s hit its blades. Why do I live this way? Why do I fall into the impersonal(ness) of resolutions and plant wishes, only to forget to water them? 

How can I better myself when I’m not ready to do the work? How do I decide to stand in line for a new ride?

Life doesn’t have to be so bleak. I don’t have to lose myself in what I thought I wanted to be. There is no shame in looking back and sliding my forearm across my dampened brow because I made it through another year.

Every morning I wake up to another day with a chance. I am given a new opportunity with the rise of the sun and the setting of the moon. My true freedom comes when I don’t squander my life living in guilt, fear, lack, or pain.

I was created in Peace, born in Love, conceived in Joy, reared in Happiness, and given the Abundance of the Universe. It is my birthright to embody these qualities. However, throughout the years of growing up I’ve let the world dictate how I was supposed to live. Now I must weed the garden of my mind, pluck the weeds of inadequacy, lack, pain, and fear and plant the seeds of Love. Dig holes in the rich soil of my thoughts and plant the bulbs of Prosperity, Happiness, and Peace. It is time I taste each moment given to me without preconceived ideas that it’s gonna be carnival food instead of a gourmet meal.

You know what I find helps me work through the hiccups of negative moments? I read (non-fiction). I take my books that encourage me, enlighten me, and envelope my soul with positive thinking and I read them. I highlight lessons; I scribble words in the margins, and paste post-its or dog-ear the pages I need to go back and re-read. I do what it takes to eradicate the negative thought from my mind.

There is NOTHING more powerful than a made up mind. There is nothing more powerful than the thoughts I put out into the Universe. NOTHING is more powerful than the moment I create an idea in my mind. I can tell you, before my feet even hit the floor I can feel what kind of day I am going to have. If I listen close enough, there is this immutable power within me that does exactly what I think into it. It is time to unbuckle from the roller coaster I’ve been on and choose another ride; one where I don’t know about the corkscrew ahead or the huge loop de loop.

It’s time I give up all the fears of inadequacy, lack, and disharmony. It is time to plant what I want to grow in my garden of life, take a ride on a roller coaster I’ve never been on, and surrender to the idea that the Universe will always supply everything I’ll ever need. I just need to listen and remember to buckle up for the ride, because it’s truly is wonderful when I can live my life immersed in Love, Joy, Peace, Abundance, and Harmony.

Thanks for hanging out and reading my ramblings.

Bah- Humbug

As you hustle and run around trying to make the holidays perfect for everyone around you, make sure you take time for yourself. It’s so easy to get caught up in the thought that we will disappoint someone if we don’t get them exactly what they want. Come hell or high water, I need that giggling Elmo for my niece. What we forget is material objects can’t replace you.

What people really want is to be talked to, remembered, and thought of. It isn’t the present that makes the impression; it’s the thought behind it that makes the mark.

I remember one Christmas my brother gave me a paper towel dispenser. It must not have cost more than ten bucks. But I will tell you, it was one of the best presents I got that year. He had taken notice that I didn’t have one for my kitchen. It wasn’t the paper towel holder that choked me up that year, it was the fact that he took the time and thought about me.

This time of year, we take moments that are fleeting and cling to them hoping love will fill our hearts and joy will be the excuse for warm songs around the fire. We want that connection that keeps us compassionate.

Truth is some of us dread this time of year. The demand to be something we may not be. This is the time we should stop and look at what it is that we value. Take a moment to breathe and step out of the hustle and cattle mentality of commercialism. Slip into a warm bath, visit with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Take that walk in the rain with your children. Cuddle on the couch with your love and watch that movie you’ve been putting off. Slow your roll and see the vivid colors around you.

Don’t worry about tomorrow, it hasn’t come yet and yesterday is spent moments we can’t carry with us. Right now is a present given to us every second of the day!

Thanks for hanging out and reading my ramblings!

What's In It For Me?

When is the word tolerance going to be replaced by True Acceptance and Unconditional Love? We go around saying we are tolerant. But are we truly? Are we willing to let go of our preconditioned thinking, limited freedoms, and dogmatic beliefs that feed our humanity?

We are so busy trying to get, trying to make sure nobody takes from us, trying to blame everyone around us, that we have lost sight of the line that anchors us to one another.

We’ve become so caught up in getting our own thoughts and ideals across that we haven’t taken the time to sit quietly and listened to what the world is asking for. We hustle and busy ourselves with thoughtless, brainless quests that we have soaked and marinated in for so long that we have adopted the, “what’s in it for me?” mentality. 

What if for one hour, we didn’t think “what’s in it for me?” but we thought about “what can I do to give back?” What if we started a movement, a shift in thinking, a global interrupt centered in the mentality of…“What can I do to change the world around me?”

Let’s face it…this is our world, and what we choose to put out into it, is exactly what we will be getting back.

So how often are we feeding our souls with life affirming thoughts? When will the false beliefs that keep starving our spirituality, humanity, and beauty become the empty skeletons we sweep out from deep within our closets.

It’s so easy to jump on someone’s train of thought, or limited thinking because we are too fearful to lose the connection or status we feel we have with them. Unfortunately, we’ve become a species that’s weighted our value on being accepted by others. But are we really feeling accepted, or are we glad we aren’t the one that’s being thrown under the bus?

How are we feeding our souls? How are we seeing the world? What thoughts are crossing our minds when we see something that seems less than we think is acceptable or perfect? 

I’ve learned that if I want to change the world, I must first change my view of it. My perception of my life has got to change if I want to change my experience in it.

It all stems from the word WORTHY…often, we don’t feel worthy of what the Universe wants to give to us. We fear the compliments because we have been conditioned to appear meek and humbled. The problem with playing meek is that we will end up going around the world falling victim to circumstances. We will begin to believe we have no control over how we react to situations we are faced with. We need to understand that we can’t control all situations that may happen to us…BUT what we can control is how we react to them.

Yeah, it sucks when shitty things happens, trust me, I know. But if we learn to deal with it, experience it, and move from it a little wiser, we will learn that we don’t have to live in it. We don’t have to let that crappy experience define who we are.

It is time we start to believe that we are worthy of every wonderful thing in this world and that we are more powerful than any condition or event can define. We have the power to react to every situation in our lives, which in turn, creates the world around us.

Remember…“It is done unto you as you believe.”

So, believe you are wonderful…because you are!

Have a great day and thanks for hanging out and reading my ramblings!

What Are We Expecting?

We all have dreams, aspirations, and beliefs that dive deep into the core of our souls. Everyone has needs and desires and yet we hold back from happiness, comfort and deep self worth. Why do we do that? Why do we play down our accomplishments and strengths in fear of judgment and rejection?

We’ve been trained by society to react from fear and lack instead of Unconditional Love and Unlimited Abundance. We’ve allowed our thinking to become tainted with the false belief of there’s not enough. We’ve become suspicious of the generosity of others as well as the Universe. In our copious attempts to become calloused to the riches of nature, we keep turning our backs on the true gifts we have every day of our lives. The mere fact that we’ve opened our eyes and taken another beautifully deep breath today makes us one of the richest living things on this planet! Let’s not cast our eyes down at the simplicity of such a complex accomplishment.

Subconsciously our bodies know what to do and how to do it to keep us alive. We don’t have to interfere, beg, plead, or meddle into its way of functioning. We don’t have to be conscious of what it does to keep us to experiencing life. It just does it. All we have to do is live.

The same thing goes for our consciousness. Same rules apply to living life. We get so caught up in trying to make things happen or stopping things from happening that we miss the best gift of all. The Universe, the power that keeps us breathing, blinking, and swallowing is the same power that gave us the volition at birth to make our lives what we want. All we have to do is wake up to our ability to use it.

Don’t get me wrong…or misunderstand me. We always use this power within us, whether we are conscious of it or not. When we state or affirm anything with conviction, we are using this Power. The Law of Cause and Effect doesn’t have a shut off valve or a sense of humor. We are using it constantly. So shouldn't we be aware of it, and use it constructively in our lives right now?

We must begin by changing the idea we have about our lives. If we tend to be people who see the cup half empty, we must make a conscious choice to see that cup half full! If we are always expecting the worst; we must start today by taking the small steps into higher expectation, and expect something better. It won’t happen overnight, but little by little our lives will begin to change.

It is nature’s way to supply plenty. Nature always gives without constraint to whatever/whomever is expecting more. Just look at the trees in spring. New branches grow, giving more space for more leaves then the year prior. Additional branches also mean space for added flowers to blossom with the potential of more fruit then the season prior.

More positive and productive thought creates space for more goodness in our lives. The additional goodness in our lives multiplies and produces even more Love, Harmony, Peace, and Prosperity in our lives. Multiplicity is and will always be the Universe’s nature.

Thoughts are things, but more importantly, thoughts are the things producing our lives every moment of every single day!

So, the question we must ask ourselves…What are we thinking into our lives?

Thanks for hanging out and reading my ramblings!

An Oldie, But a Goodie!

Things always happen for a reason. ALWAYS...I was going to write a new post when I decided to look through some old postings and found this one. I believe I was led me to this post for a reason. She must know I need her. Here is an Original post from November 2010. And strange enough, just this morning my son asked me for a picture of his grandma, because he has a project due in his Spanish class for "Day of The Dead."



Okay so it's been a little longer than usual since I've posted. Really sorry about that~ been working and just dog tired when I've sat down to write. Things have been taking over my time. You know-- family, house, work, friends, and commitments, they all seem to need a piece of me. Sometimes I feel like Playdough. I'm being stretched, pulled, tugged and twisted into shapes everyone else needs me to be.


Survival gives us the ability to transform into what we need to be at any given moment, but it is our humanity that keeps us doing it.

I don't usually talk about my family on this blog; it has been one of my rules. Less details about my personal life, the better, however; tonight as changed the sheets on our bed (because let's face it, either we are in the shower or we're changing the sheets when we have an "Ah-Ha" moment) I spread out the huge blanket my mother-in-law gave us, and I started thinking about her.

She was a quiet, gentle, nurturing soul, who was abundantly funny and overflowing with love. She was never meddlesome or angry. As I let my mind churn the thoughts of her, I realized how much I missed her. See she transcended this world over six years ago and ever since, there has been a vacancy in my life.

She was sick and went to the hospital early one morning, and passed away that evening. When we arrived at the hospital, she was already in a coma. I never got to tell her I loved her, or thank you. I never got to say goodbye. A day— 12 hours and my life changed.

Did I take her for granted? Absolutely, I never, in my wildest dreams thought about the possibility that in one day I would lose someone that made such a quiet impact on my life. It was only years later did I understand what a huge difference she made in my life and what she taught me. Through her actions I learned what type of mother-in-law I want to be to my sons' wives. Through her words I understood where my husband gets his wit and through her compassion I recognized the sacrifices she made to keep her family safe. She taught me things, even when she didn't know it.

I'm not telling you about her to get some pity points, or cyber-pats on the back. I tell you this story because sometimes we don't realize how fast the world can change when we aren't paying attention. The lessons we lose when we don't take advantage of the time people are with us or we lose the life altering experiences because we are too busy being angry, jealous or spiteful.

We never know when life is going to throw us a curve ball. We never know what is going to happen. So what if we chose to swing instead of backing away? What if we decided to let go of that angst or hate and forgive and forget. We all have people we hold at the top of our "it's your fault list". What if we decided to start erasing one name at a time? Would we see a difference in our experiences? What if we gave up our story and decided it was time to write a new one?

I guess what this post today is morphing into is, take advantage of the positive around you. Live the experiences around you, good, bad or indifferent. Because there will come a day when your life will change, it's inevitable, and it would really suck if the last thoughts you had were— I wish I would have…

Take on the day, smile at a stranger and give back to the community around you, and you will see how different your life can be.

Thanks for reading!