Okay so it's been a little longer than usual since I've posted. Really sorry about that~ been working and just dog tired when I've sat down to write. Things have been taking over my time. You know-- family, house, work, friends, and commitments, they all seem to need a piece of me. Sometimes I feel like Playdough. I'm being stretched, pulled, tugged and twisted into shapes everyone else needs me to be.
Survival gives us the ability to transform into what we need to be at any given moment, but it is our humanity that keeps us doing it.
I don't usually talk about my family on this blog; it has been one of my rules. Less details about my personal life, the better, however; tonight as changed the sheets on our bed (because let's face it, either we are in the shower or we're changing the sheets when we have an "Ah-Ha" moment) I spread out the huge blanket my mother-in-law gave us, and I started thinking about her.
She was a quiet, gentle, nurturing soul, who was abundantly funny and overflowing with love. She was never meddlesome or angry. As I let my mind churn the thoughts of her, I realized how much I missed her. See she transcended this world over six years ago and ever since, there has been a vacancy in my life.
She was sick and went to the hospital early one morning, and passed away that evening. When we arrived at the hospital, she was already in a coma. I never got to tell her I loved her, or thank you. I never got to say goodbye. A day— 12 hours and my life changed.
Did I take her for granted? Absolutely, I never, in my wildest dreams thought about the possibility that in one day I would lose someone that made such a quiet impact on my life. It was only years later did I understand what a huge difference she made in my life and what she taught me. Through her actions I learned what type of mother-in-law I want to be to my sons' wives. Through her words I understood where my husband gets his wit and through her compassion I recognized the sacrifices she made to keep her family safe. She taught me things, even when she didn't know it.
I'm not telling you about her to get some pity points, or cyber-pats on the back. I tell you this story because sometimes we don't realize how fast the world can change when we aren't paying attention. The lessons we lose when we don't take advantage of the time people are with us or we lose the life altering experiences because we are too busy being angry, jealous or spiteful.
We never know when life is going to throw us a curve ball. We never know what is going to happen. So what if we chose to swing instead of backing away? What if we decided to let go of that angst or hate and forgive and forget. We all have people we hold at the top of our "it's your fault list". What if we decided to start erasing one name at a time? Would we see a difference in our experiences? What if we gave up our story and decided it was time to write a new one?
I guess what this post today is morphing into is, take advantage of the positive around you. Live the experiences around you, good, bad or indifferent. Because there will come a day when your life will change, it's inevitable, and it would really suck if the last thoughts you had were— I wish I would have…
Take on the day, smile at a stranger and give back to the community around you, and you will see how different your life can be.
Thanks for reading!