Monday, September 13, 2010

I Got Your Synopsis—Right Here!

For the love of Pete! Not only do some agents want the— ever so hard to write query, and the first chapter or two of the book that took you a year or two to write, but they want you to give them a one or two, maybe three but not more than a four page synopsis of your book. Frickin drain me of every last drop of creativity!

Okay, most of you know how I've struggled to boil my book down to a query under 250 words. Give the agent a hook, then reel them in with details (but not too many), and God forbid, don't tell them the ending. Tease them into wanting more. Kinda like a strip-tease, but with my words. Except instead of getting lucky at the end, I get dressed and make him sleep out on the couch.

Well—LET ME TELL YOU, the query is nothing compared to the Synopsis. If a query is like a strip-tease, than a synopsis is like a crash course in how to please your man. (AH-HA, you didn't think you were going to read a NC-17 post today did cha?)

Follow me here— my analogy of pleasing your man is like writing a synopsis. (Step by step)

  1. You gotta get your hooks ready. You send the kids off to stay with your melodramatic mother. Don't worry, its okay, because you don't need a lot of time. Then go get your best negligee, the smaller, and quicker to remove, the better.

  2. You tantalize his taste buds with the best known aphrodisiac— dinner, *NOTE* (cut the recipe in half so there is not much time wasted here). You tease him over the candlelight and blow kisses to him as he swallows his last bite.

  3. Once you have his attention, you pull him seductively into the bedroom. Rose peddles liter the floor making a defined path to the understated, yet self explanatory piece of furniture you call the bed.

  4. Pay close attention to detail. Candles, aromas and music are a must. Set up, tempo, and mood are invaluable here. Don't waste time with answering the phone or talking about his day here. (Heavy conversation only wastes time, and you are limited by the return of your children from your mother's house.)

  5. Be cognitive of your time. If you find you are running short (on time), foreplay must be narrowed down. Limit kissing, go straight to the clothes removal, and sorry ladies, heavy petting must be modified to light discovery. Time is of the essence, but attention to detail is a must.

  6. Once you've got him ready and engaged, do not, and I REPEAT, do not leave the bed. You mustn't stop until you both have reached the euphoric state of kinship. Sexual satisfaction must be reached. If a utopia(istic) state is not obtained, or your kids are banging on the front door, you must go back, and revise steps 2-5 to fit within the allotted time frame.
If nothing else is learned from this post, at least you walk away with an outline on how to please your lover in 10 minutes or less!

Good Luck!

Once I reach the pivotal point of a somewhat perfect synopsis for my novel, I'll let you know how it feels. Who knows, maybe I'll even post it for you to read. Until then, I must go back and rewrite, revise, and reread.

Now go forth into your week fulfilled and satisfied. And keep smiling, it's contagious!


No comments:

Post a Comment